I wanted to use this blog post to comment on the relationship we all have in the house (and outside of the house). Please note that I do not intend to offend anyone in anyway, so if you feel that I have, please come talk to me in person.
Since before the trip even began I felt like we had really good group dynamics. We all seem pretty different, and yet we are similar at the same time. Since it’s about 11 pm, my brain isn’t functioning to its full capacity, but if it were I would certainly create an adjective for each of us and call us the new and improved Breakfast Club. I can say that, for the most part, we all come from different social circles back in Boulder, and it is certainly a combination of students that I did not expect to interact with on this trip. I understood why the International Affairs students would come on this trip, but to be honest, it did shock me to find that I would be spending three weeks with a Frat boy (Jack). I also questioned why a music major would want to come on this trip as well (Ryan). Bare in mind, these are first impressions, and I guarantee they have changed, but I feel it is important to detail how I got to where I am right now. I know we all have our own reasons for coming on this trip and taking this class, but we all seemed to commit for similar reasons, or at least that is how it seems to me. Mainly I wanted to (1) learn more about South Africa’s history, because it is not really taught in the U.S. and yet we’ve had semi-similar histories, and (2) I also joined the class because I am very passionate about the process of reconciliation and conflict resolution. I hope to one day build a career in such an area of expertise.
Everyone has assumptions when they first meet someone, or travel to a new place and I think that is the case for all of us. But, to tie this into the class, we also seem to be reconciling our differences within our own little community. One way, I observed, that we are doing this is through the gathering of information. We may not share that common history, like South Africa, but we are learning more and more about one another. We are taking the time to understand where each of us comes from, and who we really are. This, I find, is an important first step to cooperating and getting along with one another. We cannot reconcile our differences if we don’t understand the other side of the story. Only when we understand each other, will it be easier to trust and also to forgive.
We have a commonality within our group, and that is that we all seem to be so incredibly happy to be in South Africa. We may not all be here for the same reasons, but we are all here nonetheless. If we can all at least have that in common, we can work towards a communal goal. We have something to unite us.
I’ve also observed the dynamics of life in the house. An interesting observation has to do with the first day we got to the house in CT. We all chose our rooms, perhaps a bit reluctantly, but it turns out that the boys are separated from the girls. Both guys took over the two rooms on the top floor, while the rest of us (all girls) received the rooms on the bottom floor. Right off the bat, I see a subconscious segregation. I don’t believe that was intentional, but it is as such nonetheless. I have also noticed that cooperation with one another varies. On the first day no one seemed to want to give in to sharing a room. I offered to share a room, but still no one want to come forward to share with me. I reneged on my offer, and yet I still ended up sharing a room and I’m fine with it. Even though I am an only child and I absolutely love to have my privacy, that really isn’t an option in this house, no matter if you are sharing a room or not. My point with this example is that we are/were still not at the point where we have enough information about one another to really trust each other and therefore put more out there than we currently are.
An experience I was very happy to have had was talking to Jack. (I did get permission from Jack to post this). Thus far in my college career I have successfully avoided the Fraternity/Sorority scene, but low and behold I have the opportunity to be face to face with Jack, a member of Phi Psi. I will certainly admit that I have a lot of assumptions about frat-boys. They like to party, A LOT, and they aren’t motivated to do well in school at all, nor do they seem to care about their future. (Note: I am making a short generalization about the frat-boy stereotype and this does not necessarily reflect my opinions of Jack.) I also seem to be the person on the trip to ask blatant questions and I asked Jack to help me understand what it is he is doing on this trip. I was able to confront him with some of the problems I was having coming to terms with things (not) occurring during class. To briefly explain, I am very passionate (as stated above) about the topic of this class and when I observed Jack’s behavior in class, as in not participating and my assumption was that he didn’t really care about the class, I became frustrated and offended. I was able to have an open discussion with him. We talked it through and I was actually surprised by some of the things he had to say, which made me change my views and opinions about him as well. I still may not agree with some of his reasoning’s, but I was, nonetheless, able to come to a consensus with him. This example I feel is a great example of how two people can reconcile differences. Not only did we discuss our differences, but we also learned a lot about each other. Information is one of the most powerful tools out there. It opens so many doors. The story I told during my discussion with Jack about my experience with truth and forgiveness also allowed for Jack to learn more about my history as an individual, and I learned about his individual history, furthering this process of reconciliation.
These are just a few of my thoughts, and I’m sure there are more to come. As of right now I think we have an amazing group dynamic and I hope it stays that way!
I agree that we all did come from different backgrounds and social circles in the Boulder community; which has added an interesting dynamic to this group. I have met and learned about people that I probably would have never come across other wise. I want to point out that, to add to your discussion, we have all seemed to have gained a new appreciation and interest for South Africa. Although I was interested in the topic area, I knew nothing about the history of the country or where they presently stand until very recently. I think that others may have had a similar experience. Although I am aware that many on this trip knew a lot more about South Africa than I and may have had a much larger invested interest in the topic, the people we have come across and the tours that we have gone on have allowed us all to see deeper into the reconciliation work of the people. Through this experience, it seems that every single one of us has grown to appreciate and respect South Africa in a way that we would not have done otherwise.
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